The twists and turns of the Green Mamba saga have performed
another, hair-raisingly alarming loop.
This morning on my way home from breakfast at the Grand Café I was
confronted with photographic proof and incontrovertible evidence by one of my
neighbours, and then I came across the awful truth in the Nostalgia
Studio. It is all really too frightful
to describe, and I am writing this with the aid of several strong cups of best Assam
You will remember vividly the arrival, smuggling through customs,
and return by post, of the Green Mamba, courtesy of the Third Triplet. Since March I tried to get rid of it by
leaving it in the office, and at the homes of various friends, but the green
menace always somehow managed to return to The Little House. Seeing that I appeared to be stuck with the
little reptile, which clung to me like a conscientious leech, I tried to at
least minimise its threat by feeding it the minimum possible. If it stayed small, I reasoned, I could
dominate it into behaving reasonably well.
And after I once threatened to put a knot into it if I ever caught it in
the cookie jar again it seemed that I had finally gotten rid of it, because I
did not see it again after that.
But well! I should
have been more vigilant. When I heard of
the sudden increase in stolen and lost children’s toys it never occurred to me
to blame my little ex-houseguest. I
mean, why would I? Dozens of teddy bears
were mourned in St Clements, but I suspected nothing.
But this morning my neighbour showed me two truly terrifying
photos. The first showed a small Green
Mamba leaving The Little House through the letter box. The second showed the tail of a huge Green
Mamba disappearing into The Little House through the self same letterbox. I was of course incredulous, but the
neighbour threatened to show the photos to the entire neighbourhood and form a
posse of the children who had lost their teddy bears, to hunt down and exterminate the devourer of their 'confidantes de coeurs', so I promised to
investigate and do what I could.
And you will never guess what I found when I entered the
Nostalgia Studio! A huge Green Mamba, in
the process of devouring my little Baby, a small leopard (named after the character
in one of my favourite movies). I took a
few photos, choked the hungry reptile with my bare hands, and finally managed
to free my little Steiff leopard. Then I
tied its mouth shut and put a knot into the snake so it can’t eat any other soft
toys and put it into the Cupboard-underneath-the-Stairs.
Whatever am I going to do?
Besides strangling the Third Triplet when we meet next, obviously, for causing
all this trouble!
