The first essay I ever wrote at PSU was for a Psychology class, and compared the personality profiles of people who survived in concentration camps and as prisoner of war of the Khmer Rouge. To my great surprise, the profiles were very similar. A dozen years later I came across Bernie Siegel’s books on cancer survivors, and again the individuals who survived longest had the same characteristics. It took me a long time to realise that these characteristics tend to make it difficult to achieve success!
Survivors tend to be highly individualistic, with their own ideas and ways of doing things. They rarely do anything just because they are told to, and usually come up with unique ways of doing something else instead. This is not considered an endearing trait by the mass of humanity! Perhaps most importantly, they have a large variety of interests and engage in numerous unconnected activities. They are more likely to have a succession of different jobs in unrelated fields, rather than stick to one career in one organisation or industry. As a result they tend to be Jack-of-all-trades and expert of none.
Survivors are grit in any machine and prevent the smooth operation of any process or organisation. They tend to be tolerated rather than appreciated, except in a crisis when everyone else has run out of solutions and is prepared to clutch at straws. In such a crisis they may for a while rise to the top and call the shots, but as soon as the crisis is over they are sidelined and the usual company wo/men will come out from under their rocks and take up the reigns again. Winston Churchill is an example, as are the East German dissidents who facilitated the fall of the Berlin Wall. Soon after the war was over / the wall had fallen these people were dismissed with an insincere thank-you and perhaps a medal and/or small pension and sent back to their accustomed dunce’s corner.
To be successful, on the other hand, one’s ideas and actions need to blend in with society. The occasional original thought will be applauded, especially if it leads to an increase in productivity. People like things to continue as they always have, and feel threatened by new ideas, except for entertainment purposes which are outside of normal life and don’t count. Therefore the company wo/man whose thoughts and actions chime in with everyone else’s will prosper and rise to the top (however defined).
To be successful in the way outlined above it is necessary to (a) suppress / twist one’s character and individuality, and (b) focus on the task on hand. To illustrate my point, let us consider a woman who wishes to become the chairperson of a bank. To achieve this lofty aim, she has to study the right subject (not the one she is truly interested in), hang out with the right people (not the ones she really likes), dress the part (not wear the comfortable rags she prefers), have the right hobbies (none that have no bearing on the goal), disown embarrassing friends and relatives (a la Hyacinth Bucket), acquire the right spouse (intelligent, svelte, shallow, social climbing), buy the right house in the right area (never mind the snooty neighbours), brown-nose the right individuals (without a gas mask!), ditch inconvenient morals and principles (in an inconspicuous way). And so on and so forth.
The characteristics which make the Survivor such an unlikely candidate for the chairpersonship of a bank constitute the very elements of surviving. While the successful person focuses all energy on one goal, the Survivor has lots of goals! He wants to do a job well, have a good relationship with his soul-mate spouse, raise happy children, have a comfortable house with nice neighbours, spend the weekends re-decorating, dig a pond in the garden, learn a new language, knit sweaters, fix motorbikes, bake cakes, be a member of a rambling club, paint icons, write the odd poem, attend exhibitions, agitate at demonstrations, be a volunteer at a charity shop, read magazines and books on any number of subjects, etc etc – the list is endless. No wonder the Survivor isn’t a brilliant success at doing any one thing, there are just too many things he does!
Scene 1 – Job Loss. The Survivor feels terrible and awful, obviously. But he has an understanding spouse, loving children, loads of friends ready to badmouth the idiot employer who fired him, and plenty of hobbies to take his mind of things, so he will not suffer too much emotionally. Because of his varied interests and abilities he can quickly move from one industry to another, so chances are he will not be unemployed for long, even though his jobs may not be great.
The successful person, having a highly specialised job at a level at which there are few positions and therefore job opportunities, will not easily find a new job. Her spouse, having been picked for being an arm-candy banker’s spouse, is furious with her for having lost a job which defines not only her but also his position in society. The children will resent having to leave their private schools and no more expensive overseas holidays. Her friends will be at first supportive but very soon make themselves scarce – they are not the sort who want to be associated with a loser! As for hobbies to take her mind off things, well she has none.
Scene 2. Retirement. As per above, the Survivor has so many other interests that he is busier than ever. As for missing colleagues, he has friends to fall back on and some of the colleagues have turned into friends anyway. Since he has had so many different jobs and hobbies, and so many run-ins with authority, he has great stories to tell, so chances are he will be popular, especially with the young. He usually sees no reason to change in his old age, so continues to take an active interest in anything and everyone. And luckily for him, society tends to forgive eccentricity in old age and becomes much more tolerant of his rants and foibles.
The successful person on the other hand has a hard time of it and not infrequently either dies quickly after retirement or takes up any number of non-executive directorships to fill the emptiness in her life. She has lived for her career and the social standing that goes with it, so losing it rips the heart right out of her life. This might be a time for soul searching and attempts to mend fences with spouse and children – often too late! When she talks she brags about her past achievements and the important people she knew, which quickly becomes boring. Moreover, fame is short-lived in this hectic world, and her grandchildren are unlikely to be impressed by – or have even heard of – Director X or Chairman Y or even Princess Epsilon.
Scene 3. Heart Attack. When it comes to the crunch we find out who our friends are. And life doesn’t get much crunchier than when we experience serious health problems. This is when false friends melt away and spouses and children show their affection and loyalty – or lack of it! I do not claim that love is always returned for love, nor that money has not occasionally bought it. But generally speaking people reap what they sow. Perhaps the number of hospital visits are a better indication of a life well lived than the size of the house one leaves in one’s will? And what is more likely to foster a swift recovery and renew one’s zest for life, loving relatives and faithful friends or children eager to inherit and friends who never visit?
So far I have focussed on the Survivor and the successful person, par excellence. The essence of the survivor is that s/he has so many different interests, abilities, and internal resources that s/he always manages to somehow get by; not always brilliantly, but survival is assured. The essence of the successful person, on the other hand, is the focussing of one’s entire energy on success - however defined - to the detriment of all other aspects of life, which leads to a life which is successful in one area but empty in all others.
It might seem to those who strive after success that the price for it as outlined above is worth paying – which leads me to the real tragedy of seeking success, viz that most of those who strive for success don’t actually obtain it. Most of those who sacrifice everything for that one goal do not in fact achieve it, and are left in the end not with their dearly bought success but with nothing at all, having morally, emotionally, and physically bankrupted themselves.
