I am growing old, and am no longer able to stand up to the rigors of my glamorous existence....
Since the dastardly Bruxellonians had managed to delay me, I arrived three hours later than expected at Hamburg's main train station, the Hauptbahnhof.
I had left messages on all my relations' answerphones and tried to reach them via my mobile telephone, but somehow or other didn't manage to make contact - probably the Belgian telephone network. I had no idea whether they knew that I was delayed.
My sister, who I had arranged to meet at the station, was nowhere to be seen when I finally arrived at 20:13. By now my mobile was dead. It was cold and dark, and the main train station of a large city is not a good place to look lost and vulnerable.
I turned for help to the Information Desk. I turned to the Help Desk. I turned to another Information Desk. All in all, I approached three points of help in Hamburg Hauptbahnhof, and they were all amazingly unhelpful. In fact, I have never before encountered such a mix of nonchalant disinterest.
When I asked for directions to a payphone, they said there weren't any. When I enquired about an internet cafe, I was informed that none existed anywhere nearby (a blatant lie). When I requested directions to a sensibly priced hotel to stay the night, they just laughed, and recommended I stay the night in the waiting room, to be collected by my relatives the next morning.
I was born in this town, and have always had fond feelings for it. I sang its praises to all my friends and acquaintances for the last 50 years or so.
By the time the last of the Hauptbahnhof staff had declined to aide me in any way whatsoever - and keep in mind that it was one of their fellow train operators who had caused all this trouble! - I was ready to renounce my German citizenship.
All I can say, if you insist on visiting Hamburg, don't go to Hamburg Hauptbahnhof!
It is staffed entirely by evil trolls.
If you want to know how this evening ended, please read my next post.
