 |
| It's my birthday today! |
Finally, I got around to doing a post on Scarf Games for Insomniacs! At night, when I can't sleep, I don't count sheep, having few agricultural connections. Instead I play scarf games! I started out just counting them, but when that got boring I invented more satisfying games.
For example, I once almost bought a scarf depicting a people living close to the Panama Canal, for the sole reason of shaving a few days off my travels by using said canal. On another occasion I attempted to buy a scarf called Sur un Tapis Volant, a Magic Flying Carpet - luckily I was outbid, and convinced myself that another scarf called Kilim which I already had would work just as well; after all, who is to know whether or not that kilim can fly!
Anyway, here it goes!
 |
| Henry F Smith, Sailor |
A long time ago in Portland Oregon there lived Habakuk Hechelmeier, who was no better than he should be, but worse than some. One night he was drinking heavily in a local speakeasy, when suddenly - kerplunk! - a trapdoor opened and he fell into a dark pit, losing his consciousness in the process. When he awoke he was on a sailing ship bound for Australia, the victim of shanghaiing.
After several weeks of misery Habakuk got very ill, and was thrown overboard by the heartless captain. Luckily a tortoise took pity on him and carried him on her back to Australia.
 |
| de Madras a Zakynthos |
Laying more dead than alive on the beach, he was found by an ancient wise Australian Aborigine woman who cured him with her medicinal herbs.
 |
| Reve de Gloria |
Barely cured, he stole a horse from the nearest settlement and traveled to the northern part of the continent, maintaining himself by scavenging and petty theft.
 |
| Ex libris en camouflage |
Once he arrived at the coast, he traded in the horse for a ride to Japan on a passing junk.
 |
| Jonques et sampans |
Once there, he entered service with a Japanese nobleman, who believed his lies and put him in charge of his prized bonsai collection. He managed to kill them all in two short weeks.
 |
| Bonsai |
Undeterred by this horticultural disaster, Habakuk asked to become head gardener of the Daimyo's chrysanthemum enclosure. What can I say, he lay waste to the entire enterprise.
 |
| Les Pivoines |
He fled as fast as his legs took him, hotly pursued by the outraged nobleman. Just before he broke down completely exhausted, he came across a kite flying contest.
 |
| Soies volantes |
He hitched a lift on the most sturdy looking kite which carried him far off into Asia.
Eventually the kite got too tattered to carry him anymore, and he fell from the sky, straight into a lotus pool.
 |
| Fleurs de lotus |
Anxious to return to a western country, he joined a colonial expedition as a jack-of-all-trades. They gave him a gun and an elephant.
 |
| Chasse en Inde |
He stole both and made his way up the Ganges and into Tibet. His elephant ran away half way up the Himalaya, and he barely survived eating rancid yak butter and goji berries.
 |
| Prieres au Vent |
He arrived in Tibet utterly exhausted, and was rescued by Buddhist monks who took him to their monastery. Their Abbot listened to his tale, guessed more than he was told, and decided to help Habakuk leave the country before he could defile it. He gave him a bicycle and some more rancid yak butter, and Habakuk cruised down the Himalaya and across Rajastan and Pakistan.
 |
| Les Becanes |
By now his leg muscles had become quite strong, and he pedaled through Iran at full speed. One evening he campsed near the ancient ruins of Persepolis for the evening.
 |
| Persepolis |
He nosed around a bit, in the hope of ancient treasure, but found nothing except an old kilim.
 |
| Kilim |
Considering it excellent bedding for the night, he rolled up in it and fell asleep. The next morning he found himself airborn over Istanbul - he had in fact found a magic carpet!
Instead of using it to fly straight home to Portland where his old mother was worried sick about him, he sold it for a small fortune to a Turkish tile maker.
 |
| Ceramique ottomane |
He took his fortune aboard a sturdy looking craft manned by honest Norwegian traders, who turned out to be Vikings, snatched his fortune, and put him on a tiny raft.
 |
| Les Normands |
He managed to land in Alexandria with the help of a school of dolphins who maneuvered his raft landward,
 |
| Les Secrets de Minos |
and fell in with some tomb robbers.
 |
| Scarabees et Pectoraux |
He was so successful that his new colleagues convinced him to rob the legendary treasure of the kings of Benin.
 |
| Les Tresor Royal du Benin |
Unfortunately for him he got caught. While awaiting trial, he saw an opportunity to escape and jumped on a passing omnibus. Since he had the correct fare, they took him all the way to Timbuktu.
 |
| Omnibus et Dames Blanches |
He was once again broke, and while trying to find a job as a labourer got enslaved by a passing Tuareg, who forced him to work in the salt mines of Taoudenni.
 |
| Cuirs du Desert |
After months of back breaking labour, and continuous diarrhea, he managed to catch a lift from a passing aviation adventurer,
 |
| Les folies du ciel |
who took him to Marseilles.
 |
| Le voyage de Pytheas |
Since he was already in France, he decided to visit its main attractions, and hitchhiked to la Bourboule.
 |
| Les Planeurs de la Bourboule |
In la Bourboule he befriended another flying ace, and managed to get a lift to Paris,
 |
| Lumieres de Paris |
where he visited the famous church of Saint Joseph, the patron saint of aviators. While gazing at the magnificent stained glass window, he began to question his hitherto questionable moral conduct.
This train of thought reached a climax when he witnessed a massive shooting star the following evening, and determined to improve his life. The next day it was Christmas!
 |
| Feux du Ciel |
He decided to start a new life by buying a Christmas present for his old mother in a fancy store.
Having made his choice (a scarf, obviously!) he discovered that he had no money to pay for it. He explained his predicament to the store's owner, and offered to rob the Louvre of the famous horned treasure trove to pay for his mother's gift (he didn't want to steal the scarf, being a reformed character).
 |
| L'or de Chefs |
The store owner, impressed with his new found righteousness and filial devotion, gave him the scarf as a present, compliments of the management, and invited him to spend Christmas Day with his family.
The following day his benefactor secured Habakuk a passage on a horseless shay en route to the sea, whence he could board a ship and return home.
 |
| Les Triples |
The cart was slow, and Habakuk endured a ten daylong journey until he reached the harbour of Sainct Mont Michel.
 |
| Mont Sainct Michel |
He soon found a sailing ship that took him to New England, in return for him working for the passage.
 |
| Cheval de Mer |
 |
| Add caption |
But had his luck really turned? Half way across the prairie he was captured by an Indian brave,
 |
| Pani la Shar Pawnee |
who took Habakuk to the shamans of his tribe.
 |
| Les Mythologies des Hommes Rouges |
They interrogated him thoroughly, and decided that he was indeed a reformed man (it was the scarf depicting an angel he had bought for his mother that finally convinced them).
They gave him an escort to take him safely back to Portland.
Once there, he forgot all about being good, sold the scarf for a tidy sum, and went to the nearest jazz club. Oh well!
Good night, sleep tight!
