How not to learn French - Lesson 4 - Buying Hermes scarves

I love scarves and wear one every day.  Sometimes wool, usually silk, sometimes small or large, usually medium.  They are marvelously useful, in my opinion.  If I feel warm, I pull the scarf away from my neck.  If I feel cold, I drape it around myself in generous folds.  Much better than continually taking one’s pullover on and off.  I started out in my twenties, hunting for scarves in thrift shops, and occasionally receiving one as a gift from my Mother, completely unaware that even my best Liberty scarf was as nothing compared to the beauty of an Hermes one.

I might have remained in this blissful state of ignorance indefinitely, had I not taken to visiting France.  It was only a matter of time until I came across an Hermes shop during my wanderings around Paris.  I saw, I succumbed, I read the price-tag, I shrank back in horror, I looked again at the glorious designs and colours, I cautiously inched my way back to the scarf counter, I retreated again scandalised by such ludicrous cost for a piece of silk, I was reeled in again by the sheer beauty of the scarves, etc etc ad infinitum.  I knew it would be madness to buy such a scarf, an indefensible extravagance, a luxury not meant for us non-millionaires.  Besides, did I not have up to a hundred scarves already?  I had no excuse, and I knew it.  Sighing deeply, I smothered my scarf-lust and turned to leave the shop. 

Then I saw a remarkable thing:  each Hermes scarf had a title; a French title!  Might I not utilise this little shred of French for learning the language?  Hitherto the language had completely eluded me, so surely I would be justified to spend a small fortune to learn French?  Why of course I was!  The spiel was made, money changed hands, and I left with my first Hermes scarf.

Back home I laid out my new treasure, sat before it in a reverend attitude, and immersed myself in contemplation.  People tell me they queue for hours to see an exhibition of paintings by the Impressionists, or brave the crowds for a glimpse of the Athene of Phidias.  Me, I just look at my scarves.  Because, as you have guessed, I did not stop at the first one.

A friend calculated that I paid an average of £25 for each word, and predicted that I would either go bankrupt and learn French or survive financially intact and remain Frenchless.  But this did not deter me - I decided that I would rather know French than be rich.

A good example of learning French by scarf is one that depicts all manner of fantastic early planes and balloons, and is called Les Folies du Ciel.  I learned the words for folly and heaven, and had an illustration of how to form the plural of le and la and de.

La ronde des heures is another favourite.  It has a little rhyme on it:  Parmi les fleurs je compte les heures (among the flowers I count the hours).

Then there is l’Instruction du Roy – En l’exercice de monter a cheval.  Instruction for the king – an exercise (manual) for riding a horse.

One of my favourite language learning scarves is L’ombrelle magique – the magic sunshade (interestingly enough, the French l’ombrelle does not mean umbrella).  This scarf tells a story.  Each scene is depicted, and has some French words describing it.  So here it goes:

L’Ombrelle Magique (the magic sunshade)

Il etais une fois (once upon a time)

Un prince solitaire (a prince who was a loner)

Amoureux des oiseaux (who loved birds – or maybe he was beloved by birds)

Un beau jour (one beautiful day)

Le brouillard le surprend (he was surprised by fog)

Perdue dans la foret (lost in the woods)

Il demand son chemin (he asked the way)

Un vieil ermite lui repond (an old hermit answered)

Prends cette ombrelle (take this sunshade)

Quel que soit ton chemin (wherever you are?)

L’ombrelle te conduira chez toi (the sunshade will guide you home)

En route pour un voyage (while travelling)

Aux quatre coins du monde (to the four corners of the world)

Magie!  L’ombrelle soudain se change (Magic!  Suddenly the sunshade changed)

En princesse menehould (into a beautiful(?) princess)

De retour au palais (they returned to the palace)

On celebre l’amour! (to celebrate their love – see photo above)

As mentioned before, my French is pretty lousy so my translations must be taken with a pinch – or even a pound! – of salt!  By the way, I have not been able to find 'menehould' in any dictionary, but surmise it means something like many hold (hold being a German word for beautiful/attractive).

And finally, Dame de Coeur a Vous l’honneur!  A wonderful scarf featuring some rather unusual playing cards.

So, is buying Hermes scarves a good way to learn French?  Well, I learned all the words depicted on my scarves, but I hesitate to recommend this method on account of its expense.  Also not everyone is interested in scarves.  But personally, I cannot find it in my heart to regret my purchases – they are just too beautiful, and whatever sorrows might trouble my heart vanish when I contemplate my ‘wearable works of art’.  And that’s more than can be said for any book of grammar I ever encountered.